I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
