how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
