we have pet lesbian snakes
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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