They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
