my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The Olympian is in my bed
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
