I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
