He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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