I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize