I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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