please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
