Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
