hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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