Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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