My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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