I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
