:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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