My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
