A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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