Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
