as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hippo gnu deer
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
