you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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