I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
