I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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