The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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