So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
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Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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