he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...