I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.