he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?