ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?