Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Randomize
Follow @tfln