he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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