Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit