Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
