i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Never underestimate the power of titties
Two words: nipple clamps
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