I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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