I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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