Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
