why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He did a backflip because drugs
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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