you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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