So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
