Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize