I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize