If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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