I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
