we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
