I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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