can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
