sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
