Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
