She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
