The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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