is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
