so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
