You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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