About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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