Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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