My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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