Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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