It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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