So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
