I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
