theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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