You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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