theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
