I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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