If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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