just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
