tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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