Too much gin, very little bucket
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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