I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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