i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
