As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
