what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
