Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I need water and some morals
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
