guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
