My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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